


How To Make A Memory

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: When Ianto suffers a bout of short-term memory loss, the rest of the team sees it as an opportunity to confess their inner thoughts. He won't remember, after all. Then again, he is Ianto Jones. He knows everything.





	

It should have been a quick and easy retrieval. Instead, the alien device exploded as they approached, blowing them back at least five meters and knocking them both unconscious. Jack came to first, struggling to remember what had happened. When he found Ianto still unconscious nearby, he called Owen in a panic. Owen told Jack to stabilize the Welshman and look him over for broken bones, then directed them to return to the Hub immediately for a more thorough checkup. By then Ianto had come to and could walk to the car on his own, though Jack helped him, holding him close.

Tosh piped in and asked them to bring whatever remained of the ruined device. Neither one of them remembered what she was talking about, but there was nothing left anyway.

* * *

By the time they returned to the Hub, Ianto's head was pounding, and he had no idea why. Jack reminded him how they'd woken up in an alley, unconscious, though he didn't remember why they'd been there either. Tosh told them they'd gone out to retrieve a Rift gift, as Ianto had nicknamed the flotsam and jetsam that came through the Rift, and that it had exploded. According to Owen, they were both uninjured aside from some cuts and bruises that were already beginning to heal for Jack, and a mild concussion for Ianto. But the blast had probably knocked them down hard enough to affect their short-term memory of it.

Jack remembered waking up and calling the Hub, but Ianto didn't remember the drive back, or even Owen's initial exam. Owen did some scans to double check the Welshman's injuries, and confirmed that Ianto had a concussion. He would probably continue to suffer short-term memory loss for a few days, but should fully recover.

Which meant a long afternoon of constantly trying to remember what had happened, what he was doing, and why his head hurt.

* * *

Tosh suggested Ianto go home, but aside from the headache, he didn't feel as bad as he had after some of his other injuries in the field, and the thought of being alone without a working memory unsettled him. He imagined his house burning down if he tried to make dinner, left the room, and forgot something in the oven. Or overdosing on painkillers since he couldn't remember taking any and wondered if Owen had given him some for his headache. No, he was much more comfortable finding small tasks around the Hub to keep himself occupied, where someone could make sure he didn't do something stupid like accidentally drug himself.

Owen called him Dory and hummed 'Beyond the Sea' when Ianto walked by. Ianto told him off. Vociferously. He didn't understand why Owen looked like Christmas had come early.

By mid-afternoon Ianto was flagging a bit, discouraged by not being able to remember why he'd gone up to the tourist office by the time he got there, or what he had turned around to do next when he was sure someone had asked him to do _something_. Eventually he crashed on the sofa, deciding he deserved a break. He'd been hit by what amounted to a small bomb, after all. Or so they kept telling him.

Tosh came to sit with him, bringing a cup of tea.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be able to … you know…" she said, obviously uncomfortable. Ianto raised an eyebrow, not following.

"Remember how to make coffee," she finished in an embarrassed rush. "Because of the memory loss." He shook his head; it hurt. That was probably why he had memory loss, although he wasn't sure what had happened. And had he taken any ibuprofen?

"Making coffee is a long-term memory, though," he said. "A process. I don't think I could ever forget how to make coffee, even if I don't remember making any today."

"Thank goodness!" Tosh laughed. "Only we did ask for some earlier, and…"

"And I forgot to get it?" he finished. "Sorry, I'll do it right now."

"No, sit down and rest," Tosh said. "We're fine. Jack took Gwen and Owen out to get some lunch."

"But I usually do that!" Ianto exclaimed.

"And you did," she nodded. "You ordered sandwiches, but you forgot to pick them up."

"Oh," he said. "Right. Sorry."

She patted him on the knee. "It's fine, Ianto. We understand. It must be frustrating not being able to remember little things like that."

"If it is, I simply forget why I'm frustrated," he sighed. "Maybe I should start charging for confessions, since I won't remember anything anyone tells me."

Tosh shook her head. "Oh no, I'm not sure you'd want to hear what Gwen and Owen might confess." Ianto raised an eyebrow as he considered it.

"Or Jack." He paused, eyes slipping closed. "God, can you imagine. Never mind."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad," she said.

"It's Jack," he pointed out. "Jack Harkness. Our boss?"

"All right, maybe," she laughed. "Don't offer, then."

"I probably won't," he said, leaning back. "But what about you? Anything you want to get off your chest? I promise I won't say a thing because I won't remember a thing you say."

When she hesitated, he bumped her shoulder. "Come on, Tosh. Go ahead. Before I forget even offering."

"Well, actually…I like tea more than coffee," she said in a rush. "And I hate sushi."

He stared at her. "But I make you coffee every day. Why didn't you ever say something?"

"Because your coffee is really amazing," she said. "Especially first thing in the morning. But I like tea in the afternoon."

"And all those times I ordered in sushi for lunch?"

"Choking on it," she laughed. He sat up straighter.

"Did I order lunch yet?" he asked with alarm. "Did I get sushi?"

"Yes, you ordered lunch, and no, you ordered sandwiches," she said. "And I don't mind. I'm trying to develop a taste for it."

He put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her. "Please remind me tomorrow to make you tea and not order sushi, all right?"

"It's fine, really—"

"Tosh."

She nodded. "All right." Looking away, she took a deep breath. "You know I think of you as a brother, right? The brother I never had. I'd do anything for you."

He kissed her on the temple, wondering why she was telling him this when he wouldn't remember it. "I think the same of you."

"But sometimes I catch you and Jack on the CCTV when you think you're alone in the Hub but you're not and I can't help but watch because you two are so incredibly…wow." These words tumbled out in an even bigger rush. Ianto took his arm back and placed his hands in his lap, his face flaming.

"Er, right," he said, staring anywhere but at her. "Why are you telling me this again?"

"Confessions," she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "You won't remember in the morning."

"That's good," he murmured. "I'd rather not remember how absolutely mortified I feel right now."

She tilted her head with a smile. "You have no reason to be embarrassed, if you know what I mean." If her gaze drifted from his face a bit lower, he ignored it, jumping up to find something to do.

"Right. Thanks, Tosh. I'm going to go order lunch."

"You already did."

"Brilliant. I'll go pick it up. Where?"

Tosh guided him over to his computer. "Jack went to get it. Why don't you work on one of your projects?"

He sat down and started typing, before he stopped and stared at the screen for several minutes, wondering where the others had gone. His stomach growled. He needed to order lunch.

* * *

"So tea boy," said Owen, throwing himself down on the sofa. Ianto had given up trying to concentrate on work, and though he knew there was a reason he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't remember what it was. Then Tosh had reminded him he'd been involved in an explosion that morning and that it was all right if he needed to rest. So he rested.

"What do you remember about lunch?" the doctor asked, putting his feet up on the table. Ianto gave him a disparaging look.

"I don't even remember if I ate lunch, Owen," Ianto replied. "So I certainly don't remember anything else."

"You don't remember snogging Jack senseless right in front of us?"

Ianto snorted. "As if I'd do that."

"You might if you didn't remember doing it later on."

Ianto opened his mouth, then shut it. Owen had a point.

"Well, if I did, I hope you enjoyed the show," he offered with a smirk.

"I'd be bleaching my eyes if it really happened," Owen offered. "I wanted to see if your memory was coming back."

"Clearly not," Ianto replied dryly. "Are you sure this is just from…from whatever happened this morning?"

"You mean the explosion?" Owen offered. He shrugged. "It's not unheard of, but then again, it was alien tech that exploded on you, so count yourself lucky you're not growing tentacles."

Ianto's eyes slipped closed. "Yeah, that was not a good—" He stopped. "Never mind. I'm glad I'm not growing tentacles. Now why are you here?"

Owen narrowed his eyes at Ianto. "You know I respect the hell out of you, don't you?"

"What?" Ianto burst out laughing, then stopped when Owen didn't join him. "Oh, I get it. You can tell me that now because I won't remember you ever said it. Nice, Owen. Very clever."

Owen shrugged. "Hey, never let it be said I don't know how to take advantage of a good thing. I do. You're good at what you do and damn useful around here. I practically had an orgasm the first time you made us coffee." His eyes went distant and Ianto frowned, looking away; he did not want to see Owen's orgasm face.

"That's why I'm the one who nicks the Hobnobs from the top cabinet in the kitchen, not Gwen. They go perfect with coffee."

"And I suppose since I won't remember this conversation, you'll keep nicking them?" Ianto asked.

"And keep blaming Gwen," Owen agreed. "Only I won't feel bad anymore because confession is good for the soul. It's perfect."

"For you," Ianto muttered. "Me, I'd rather have my memory back than get awkward confessions from my coworkers."

"You'll be fine tomorrow," Owen said.

"But will you still respect me in the morning?" Ianto asked.

"Hey, it doesn't bother me one bit to tell you I actually like those pink shirts you wear, I hate that you're better at pool than me, and I spell alien wrong in all my reports on purpose to piss you off." Owen grinned and stood up. "On the contrary, I feel much better. Load off my chest. Thanks, mate."

He walked away, laughing softly to himself.

Ianto let his head fall into his hands, wishing the day was over. At least he wouldn't remember why it had been so hard.

* * *

The sticky note told him exactly where to go in the archives and what file to get, and Ianto felt a small sense of satisfaction in accomplishing the minor task, even if he was following a yellow post-it. Now who needed the file, Tosh or Owen? Either way, he'd head upstairs and hand it off, and then maybe take a break on the sofa because his head hurt. He probably needed some painkillers as well. Tea would be nice.

Only Jack appeared before he had a chance to turn off the lights and leave. Ianto vaguely wondered if they'd agreed to meet down there for one of their more clandestine assignations; though he tried to keep their private sex life separate from their professional work life, it didn't always work, particularly when things were slow, or even if things got a bit too exciting and one of them needed to blow of some steam, so to speak. This didn't seem like either scenario, however. Maybe Jack needed the file.

"This for you?" Ianto asked, holding out a file on Satarrans. Jack shook his head, a small smile on his face as he tucked his hands into his pockets and edged Ianto back into the archive office.

"I think Tosh wanted it," Jack replied. "Something to do with whatever blew up this morning. I came down to check on you."

"Really?" Ianto asked. "Because if we agreed to something else, I'm afraid I don't remember and I'm not quite prepared for—"

Jack cut him off. "No, really. You've been busy talking to the others, and I was wondering if you were all right after what happened at lunch?"

Ianto rolled his eyes to hide his frustration. "Obviously, since I don't remember anything about lunch."

"That's good," Jack murmured, moving closer.

"Why, did I embarrass myself?" Ianto asked. "I feel like I've probably been doing that a lot, only I never remember it when I do, so I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it?"

"You didn't embarrass yourself," Jack replied. "Owen made more _Finding Nemo_ jokes and you threatened to shoot him again."

Ianto frowned. "I'm not lost," he said, then figured it out. "Oh, I'm the blue fish? The one with the short term memory problems?"

Jack nodded, looking slightly nervous. Ianto rolled his eyes again. "Whatever he said, I don't remember, so I suppose he gets to have his fun today."

"Good to know," said Jack. "You've got a mean right hook when you let it loose, not to mention a crack shot."

They stood there for a moment, until Ianto glanced down at the file in his hand. "Did you need this?" he asked, and Jack held back a laugh. He reached out for Ianto's hand and pulled him close.

"No, it's for Tosh," he said softly. "I was checking on you. How's your head?"

"Still forgetful," said Ianto. Jack took the file and set it down, then wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and began peppering gentle kisses along his neck and jaw. "And still a bit sore, although that might do the trick."

"What might?" Jack said, pulling Ianto's earlobe between his teeth.

"That," said Ianto, letting his head fall to the side so Jack could move lower. "And that."

"Why Mr. Jones, I do believe you're actually encouraging me at work," murmured Jack. Ianto began massaging Jack's back, letting his hands slip down to Jack's arse and enjoying the roll of the other man's hips against his.

"I do believe I am," Ianto replied. "Although, don't work too hard since I won't remember it one way or the other."

Jack pulled his head back, frowned a little, then shook his head and smiled. Somewhat fondly, Ianto thought, or maybe it was exasperation. It was true, though, wasn't it? He wouldn't remember a damn thing when it was over, so there was really no point in having the best sex of his life right now.

* * *

Ianto threw himself down on the sofa, adjusting his trousers accordingly. He felt sore but satisfied, and suspected he and Jack must have had sex earlier. Probably in the archives, as sneaking in and out of Jack's bunker while the others were around was not nearly as exciting. No one was taking the piss out of him for looking shagged, though, so maybe he'd been injured. Maybe that was why his head hurt.

He was sitting and enjoying the peace and quiet when Gwen brought him tea and apparently invited herself to join him.

"Here love," she said, sitting down next to him, her knee touching his. "Tosh said she made you a cup earlier, so I thought you could use another."

"Thanks Gwen." He didn't remember Tosh's cup, but he was sure it couldn't have been nearly as sweet. He sipped carefully, afraid of going into a diabetic coma if he drank it too fast.

"You're welcome. How are you doing?"

"As well as could be expected, I suppose," Ianto replied. "I mean, I don't actually remember how I'm doing from one moment to the next, so I can only answer for right now. Which would be fine, thank you."

She seemed a little surprised at the articulateness of his response and nodded, eyes wide with compassion.

"I'm sorry, that was a ridiculous question," she said. "You haven't started remembering things?"

"Nope," he popped, setting down his tea. "And I have this feeling things keep happening that I'll regret later, except that I don't remember, in which case it doesn't really matter, does it?" He sighed and fell back against the sofa, unable to drink any more of the sickeningly sweet tea.

"So you think losing your memory lowers your inhibitions?" Gwen asked.

"Not at all," said Ianto. "I'm sure if there _was_ something I said or did, I was perfectly mortified at the time. But I have to admit that not being able to remember things doesn't make me as worried about it." He raised an eyebrow as a thought occurred to him. "Maybe I should really go crazy. Won't matter tomorrow since I won't remember."

She grinned. "And what would going crazy look like for Ianto Jones?" she asked teasingly. He grinned back.

"Oh, I don't know. Might lose the suit, for one," he started, and she pretended to gasp. "Add some flavored syrup to my coffee."

"No!" She was laughing hard. He kept going.

"Leave the rubbish out overnight," Ianto continued. "Turn in some paperwork late and not fix Owen's typos. And that's just here at work."

"Oh, you're a wild one," she said, shaking her head. "I shudder to think about Ianto Jones, off the chain in the real world."

He snorted. "You might be surprised, you know."

"Probably," she agreed. "We all hold back a bit of ourselves, don't we?"

"It's the nature of the job," Ianto replied. "Or the world. Probably both."

She was studying him thoughtfully, enough that he felt the need to squirm but resisted. Instead he raised both eyebrows in an unasked question. She shook her head and glanced away.

"I bet you're completely different away from work. Relaxed, fun, a bit sexy. Spontaneous and a little daredevil."

He gasped in mock-indignation. "And I'm not those things here at the Hub?"

"At the Hub you wear three-piece suits, drink your coffee black, turn in your paperwork ahead of time, and fix _all_ our mistakes," she pointed out. Which was all true. Although Ianto wasn't sure what they were talking about anymore.

"I almost envy how easy it is for you, to be so organized and efficient," she said with a wistful smile. "Calm, cool, and collected." He rolled his eyes.

"It's nothing to be envious of," Ianto replied. "We all have different strengths and styles. Everyone else is a bit more…chaotic than I am."

"Especially Jack," Gwen whispered in a stage voice, and Ianto agreed. She regarded him once again. "Maybe that's why it makes so much sense now, you and Jack."

"What, a disorganized fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants boss with an anal retentive personal assistant? Isn't that the cliché? Behind every great leader is someone keeping their schedule?"

She laughed again. "There's that, but no. I mean, the two of you together. It makes sense. Order and chaos."

"Right," Ianto drawled. "And by together you mean…"

"Oh come on, Ianto," she said. "You're together-together, aren't you? We know you're shagging again, you're not exactly hiding it."

Ianto's hands flew to his face and neck. "What do you mean? Do I have a love bite somewhere?"

Gwen's eyes went wide. "Why, did you just have sex?"

"I have no idea," said Ianto. "Although I do feel—"

"Thank you, don't need the details," Gwen interrupted. She sighed and sat back. "Actually, I wouldn't mind the details."

"The details of what?" asked Ianto. He was having a hard time following Gwen, but his long term memory told him that wasn't unusual.

"You and Jack," she said. "We all wonder, after all."

"Bollocks," said Ianto, earning a look of surprise for his language. "I doubt very much that Owen wonders anything about me and Jack, yet alone anything about our sex life."

"Probably not the latter, that's true," said Gwen. "But what's it like being with Jack? Going out, watching movies, having dinner together, that sort of thing?"

"You've had dinner with him plenty of times, Gwen," Ianto pointed out. He wasn't so naïve that he couldn't see where the conversation was going, but he could pretend that he didn't.

"Not on a date," she said. "You're actually dating! Like a couple! And him and I…well, I guess it was never meant to be. I'm sort of envious of that too, you know."

"I'm sorry, envious of what?" asked Ianto, and this time he wasn't playing dumb. He had no idea what Gwen was talking about now.

"Of you and Jack," she said, and held up her hand when Ianto opened his mouth to point out she was engaged to her boyfriend of several years, whereas he and Jack had been sort of casually dating for only a few months. "I know, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Probably not," Ianto nodded, avoiding her gaze. "It's a bit awkward hearing one coworker is jealous of you shagging another." She looked embarrassed, which she probably deserved, but he took pity on her anyway. "Still, I won't remember, so if you need to let it out, I guess today's the day."

"Oh, Ianto," she said, dropping her head on his shoulder. He rolled his eyes even if she couldn't see him. If she had been Tosh, he would have put an arm around her and offered what comfort he could, but she was not, and she had admitted something he was not exactly comfortable with. He wasn't surprised to know it, only surprised to hear her admit it. To him.

"I'm really glad for you," she continued. "You deserve to be happy, and you seem so much better since Jack came back. And he seems different too, you know? Relaxed, settled, happy. Sometimes I just wish it was…" She trailed off, for which Ianto was infinitely relieved. "What's it really like? With a man like him?"

"What?" he asked, once again completely lost.

"He's obviously quite experienced, from the way he talks," she said. "Having lived so long, and come from another century completely! He seems so satisfied every time you two sneak back upstairs, and I bet you've learned loads. What's it like, being with him?"

"You don't mean dating now, do you?"

"Not really," she said. "So do you have any tips?"

"Gwen!" Ianto exclaimed. "I may not remember this tomorrow, but you will!"

"And I'll feel better for having learned something," she said pragmatically. Ianto shook his head, refusing to believe the conversation was even happening.

"No, sorry," he said, standing up. "My life is messed up enough as it is, I am not having this conversation regardless of the state of my memory. We're not a couple, we're…I don't know, something else…and although the sex is brilliant and mind-blowing, I am not sharing the details with you. With anyone."

He hurried up to the tourist office, though once he got there he wasn't sure why he'd left the Hub. His head hurt. He needed some painkillers.

Or maybe sex.

* * *

"So…" said Jack after everyone had left for the night. "Did you want to get something for dinner?"

"Have we had dinner yet?" asked Ianto, throwing his feet on the sofa and closing his eyes with a sigh. "God my head hurts."

"No, we haven't," Jack said with a frown. "You're still not remembering things yet?"

"Not that I can recall," Ianto offered flippantly, then sighed. "I hate this. I literally can't remember if I ate dinner. I can't remember anything I said or did today." He cracked open one eye. "How many times did we have sex?"

"Twice," said Jack. "Once when we woke up and once in the archives."

This time Ianto frowned. "I'm impressed you haven't tried it on more."

"I do know the difference between willing and able, and taking advantage," Jack replied.

"Who says I'm not willing and able?" Ianto asked. "It'd be like the first time every time."

Jack sat down and pulled Ianto's legs onto his lap. "Okay, maybe I don't like the thought of being forgotten ten minutes later."

"Of course you don't," Ianto murmured, half smiling. Jack massaged his calves and ankles a bit, then patted him and stood up.

"Come on, I'm taking you home," he said. "You've had a long day. I'm surprised you're still awake."

"That's because it's only…" he checked his watch. "Half seven? Hey, I'm hungry."

"How about we stop somewhere on the way?" Jack suggested. Ianto yawned and joined him.

"All right, but can we eat it back at mine? I don't want to embarrass myself in public."

Jack kissed him on the temple. "You're not going to embarrass yourself in public."

"Oh, I'm sure I could. Come back to mine," Ianto insisted. "You can stay, if you're up for it."

Jack grinned. "I'm always up for you," he said with that suggestive leer he thought was sexy but which was now more fondly amusing. When Ianto rolled his eyes, Jack toned it down. "I'd like that. To yours it is, then. I'll get my things."

"Do you know where my coat is?" Ianto called as he stood and looked around, trying to remember where he'd last put his coat. Jack handed it to him, and they walked toward the lift to the parking garage. "Thanks for coming, Jack. Considering I can't even remember where I put my coat, I think I'd be nervous on my own."

"I'd be nervous if you were on your own too," Jack said. "I probably would have insisted on staying to keep an eye on you. I don't want you forgetting something and getting hurt."

Ianto nodded. "Turn on the stove and start a fire. Exactly." Jack took his hand and squeezed.

"I'll take care of you," he said softly, and he sounded like he meant it. Ianto, however, couldn't help but smirk.

"I should certainly hope so," he murmured, his intention clear. Jack laughed as they headed toward Ianto's car. Ianto didn't even hesitate to toss Jack the keys, since he'd likely forget where he was supposed to be going halfway there.

"Dinner first, then I'll take care of you in whatever way you need."

Ianto grinned, looking forward to it. As they left the parking garage, he wondered why he had such a hard-on, but decided since Jack was in the car, they'd no doubt take care of it later.

* * *

Ianto woke up later that night to find Jack sitting beside him, reading. Soft music was drifting in from the living room, Jack's favorite Glen Miller song. It was only quarter after eleven.

"Hey," he said, sitting up and glancing around. He couldn't remember going to bed, let alone even coming home. Had Jack come with him? Or had he snuck in later? Either way, Ianto was surprised they were both still dressed.

"Hi," said Jack, setting down his book. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, fine?" asked Ianto. "Groggy. Sore head." He paused and frowned. "And I'm really not sure how I got here or what's going on. Did I drink too much?"

Jack pulled him closer, so that Ianto was laying between his legs. Wrapping his arms around Ianto's chest, Jack kissed his neck before settling back. It was snuggling, plain and simple, and not something they did unless they'd had sex. "We were in a small explosion this morning. You've been having short term memory loss ever since."

"Oh." Which certainly explained why he didn't remember anything. "Are you all right?" he asked, not knowing what else to say. He knew the answer of course, but apparently Jack was glad to be asked, because it earned him another kiss.

"I'm fine. You know me. I think it's been a long day for you, though."

"Hm," said Ianto. "Not that I remember." Jack pulled him closer.

"You will," he said. They sat like that for a long moment, Ianto wondering what had brought it on.

"I'm glad you're all right," Jack said softly. "I was scared when I first found you unconscious."

Ianto wasn't sure how to respond, so he went for deflective humor. "Been there, done that, although the memory loss is new."

"I don't want anything to happen to you," Jack continued after a pause. "So please don't try to put me off with jokes."

"Jack, I'm fine," Ianto started. "You don't need to—"

"I care about you, Ianto," he said. "A lot. I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost you now, so soon."

Ianto sighed. "Jack, you're only saying that because you know I won't remember it. Which means you don't have to say it if you don't mean it."

"No, I do," said Jack. "I'm saying it because I mean it and I want you to know. I heard you talking to Gwen, and whatever you think we are, you're probably wrong."

Another long pause as Ianto tried to remember talking to Gwen. Nothing. "Jack, I have no idea what I talked to Gwen about. Why were you listening anyway?"

"I wasn't," he said defensively. "I was getting a drink. She was asking you all sorts of personal questions about us, and you told her we weren't a couple."

"Well, that sounds about right, because we're not, not really…" He trailed off, somehow sensing the look on Jack's face behind him.

"It's only you," Jack whispered. "I came back for you, because I want to be with you. When will you start believing me?"

"Jack, it's not that I don't believe you, except … I don't," Ianto finished lamely. "Because I know you've been with so many other people over the years that I'm one among many, and that when I'm gone, there will be just as many more. And that's okay, because the one thing I couldn't stand is for you to be alone."

Jack was silent for so long, Ianto wondered if he'd completely stuffed it. Then he heard Jack take a stuttering breath and realized the other man was trying to control his emotions.

"You're not one among many," he said, his voice so quiet that Ianto could barely hear him. "You are one among very few people I've…well, that I've let in and grown close to. And when you are gone, I will miss you more than most of them because you are one of the only ones who really knows me, knows what I am, and still accepts me."

Ianto was half glad he was going to forget this conversation. He was pretty sure he remembered telling himself not to get emotionally involved with Jack when they'd started their second fling, that Jack wasn't the type to get serious and start spouting sentimental platitudes. He wondered what had changed, that Jack was doing so now. He'd almost accepted that he'd never experience those things with Jack.

Jack turned him around and kissed him, long enough for Ianto to forget why he was so concerned about it. His head still hurt, but he'd had some sleep and was definitely interested in enjoying the rest of his evening with Jack. He began to unbutton Jack's shirt, only Jack started talking.

And the things he said were heartbreaking, in part because Ianto knew he'd forget them. Jack was only allowing himself to be so honest and vulnerable because neither one of them would have to face the consequences in the morning. It seemed unfair, in some ways, and yet Ianto wondered if he wouldn't do the same thing. If he had the chance, would he confess his feelings while Jack was asleep, or dead? Could he reveal the things he held back, if Jack would never know? Because not knowing felt safer, in their job, with their unique situation.

It was too much to think about. Ianto stopped him with a kiss, trailing more along Jack's jaw and down his neck. He kissed his way down Jack's chest, leaving love bites as he did. In a way, they were a lot like his memory loss, for they'd fade quickly and be gone within hours. Ianto decided to help Jack remember him in other ways. And at that moment it was with his body, him and Jack, entangled together for as long as they had.

* * *

When Ianto woke the next day, he was surprised to see that it was well past eight in the morning. Usually he was at the Hub by that time, brewing coffee, checking monitors, setting up for the day. Why hadn't his alarm gone off?

He sat up and noticed the other side of the bed was rumpled. Had Jack stayed over? He didn't remember Jack coming back to the flat with him, or even stopping by later as he sometimes did. Then again, if Jack had stayed the night, it wasn't unusual for him to wake up before Ianto. Getting out of bed, Ianto noted a slight headache. Maybe he'd had too much to drink?

Jack was not in the flat, but he had left a note by the coffee maker telling Ianto that he'd been in an accident the previous day and might not remember much about it. Or anything at all. But that he was all right and could come in when he was ready. Ianto frowned and tried not to panic. He didn't remember anything about an accident, but it certainly explained his sore head and why he had no memories of the last day. He decided to take Jack up on his offer and go in to work slightly later than usual.

He made coffee and eggs and ate a real breakfast. He took his time showering, even tidied up the bathroom and started some laundry. After choosing his suit and tie for the day, he decided to take in some dry cleaning on his way to work, then stop for pastries since it was midmorning and the team would probably be grumbling about not having coffee.

As he checked his wallet for money, a small piece of paper fell to the floor. Picking it up with a curious frown, Ianto unfolded it and began reading. It was his handwriting, though he didn't remember writing it. But as he continued, he started to remember; or rather, he felt like he did, and filled in the rest.

His first instinct was confusion; his second was embarrassment, followed by annoyance, and then a slight sense of panic. He tried to hold back anything else, as that seemed more than enough to be getting on with. He seriously considered calling in sick, staying home, and never leaving his flat again, as the last thing he wanted to do was face the rest of the team. Ever.

And then it occurred to him that maybe he didn't have anything to be embarrassed about. According to the note, he'd been injured; it wasn't his fault that he didn't actually remember anything the team had said to him the day before. They were the ones who should be embarrassed. Maybe he could turn the tables and regain some dignity with grace and humility. Or a little bit of payback.

He texted Jack that he was on his way in, but stopping along the way. Then he wrote down everything that he needed to remember, grabbed one last item from his bedroom, and headed out. He stopped at Tesco first, where he managed to find almost everything on his list. After two more stops, including one that made him particularly nervous, and two very important phone calls, he picked up a box of sweets at the pastry shop. Pulling into the parking garage next to the Hub, he reread the note he'd left himself, took a deep breath, and headed into work.

* * *

Owen was the first to approach him, in his usual blunt manner, before he'd even set down his packages. Ianto put the doctor off with the need to unpack first, then promised he'd come down to the medical bay for a checkup as soon as he made some coffee. Tosh and Gwen were warmly concerned, and he assured them he was all right, but needed to check in with Jack. Jack asked him how he was feeling, then kissed him soundly, apologizing for leaving without a word that morning, but knowing it was better that Ianto sleep in.

After a quick conversation about the state of things at the Hub, Ianto left Jack's office to make them coffee. A quick glance at his notes told him to run down to the archives first, then he returned to his station and unpacked several of the items he'd picked up on his way in. Owen demanded coffee, and as he waited for it to brew, Ianto read through his plan and tried not to worry.

He took a cup of coffee to Tosh first, along with her favorite pastry, a box of tea, and a small wrapped package. She thanked him when he handed her the coffee, grinned when she received her pastry, and hugged him when he gave her the box of tea.

And then she opened the package and blushed the deepest shade of red he'd ever seen.

"For when there's nothing else on the CCTV," he offered as he walked away. He could practically feel the heat from her face as she stared at the DVD and grinned to himself. One down, three to go. He had no doubt Tosh would appreciate it eventually.

Owen got a cup of coffee, a box of Hob Nobs, and a wrapped package of his own. Ianto didn't even wait for the doctor to open it. Instead, he listened for the response, and knew exactly when Owen had not only opened the pink polo shirt Ianto had picked up for him, but found the condom taped to the bottom of his coffee mug as well.

Gwen's coffee came with her favorite scone and a book. At first she was confused, then she glanced up at Ianto, eyes wide with confusion and embarrassment.

"Ianto, is this what I think it is?"

"If you're thinking it's a sex manual from the 34th century, then you'd be right." Ianto smiled blandly. It was hard to keep a straight face. "It fell through the Rift about a decade ago. It's good reading on slow days, so I thought you might like to take a look." He winked before he left her to it. It was all he could do to not burst out laughing at the gobsmacked expression on her face.

Smiling to himself, Ianto prepared Jack's coffee with special care before heading into his office, his hands full.

"You remembered the coffee today!" Jack exclaimed when he entered. Ianto held up the piece of paper he'd been using.

"Took notes," he replied, and Jack nodded.

"Impressive," he said. Ianto set down Jack's coffee as well as his own, along with a plate filled with pastries for them both. Jack's eyes went wide.

"Ooh, what's the occasion?" he asked, snatching his favorite cherry donut.

"No occasion," Ianto replied. He sat down opposite Jack's desk and helped himself to a cinnamon scone.

"Then why all the gifts?" Jack continued. He nodded toward the rest of the Hub. "Don't think I didn't notice everyone else got something."

"Ah," Ianto replied. He wasn't surprised that Jack had noticed, of course, because it was exactly like Jack to watch. "Just little tokens of…" He frowned. "Well, not appreciation, not exactly. But well-deserved." He smiled into his coffee mug, then realized that he was remembering things. In fact, he remembered everything since he'd walked in that morning. His grin widened. He wouldn't be able to hide it from Jack, but he might be able to have even more fun with the others.

Jack was eyeing him thoughtfully. "You're starting to remember things, aren't you? Because yesterday you would have forgotten even making coffee."

Ianto waved his paper again. "Told you I was writing things down."

"Which means you remember our earlier conversation," said Jack. He nodded knowingly. "And from the look on your face a few seconds ago, you've got something planned."

Ianto sipped his coffee and nodded. "I know they played with me a bit yesterday, so I thought I'd return the favor today."

"Starting with porn for Tosh?"

Ianto laughed out loud. "How in the world did you know that?" he asked. "I'm supposed to be the one who knows everything around here."

"And I'm the one with several CCTV monitors in my office," Jack replied. "So if you're handing out free porn, where's mine?"

"It was only for Tosh," Ianto said. "Don't even think about asking why Gwen got the Orinion sex manual."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "The 34th century one?"

"Yep."

"Oh, that's a classic," he said, nodding. "Nice of you to pass it on."

"Maybe someday Rhys will thank me," Ianto deadpanned, and they both laughed.

"And Owen?" asked Jack, leaning back in his chair. He had crumbs on his chin, and Ianto smiled fondly.

"Owen," he started, then glanced into the Hub. And there was Owen, wearing a bright pink polo shirt and flashing a backward V at Jack's office. "Owen's wearing his."

Jack glanced into the Hub and stuck out his tongue. "Pink is definitely not his color," he said.

"Not really," Ianto agreed. He sipped at his coffee again.

They were silent for a moment.

"You're not going to tell me anything else, are you?" Jack stated rather than asked.

"Probably not," Ianto said. "Since technically I don't remember." He couldn't hold back another grin, though, and Jack pounced.

"You wrote it down, though, didn't you?" he asked. "Whatever they did yesterday, you wrote it down, you sneaky little thing."

"I try my best, sir," Ianto replied as primly as possible. Jack laughed warmly, before they settled into silence once more. This time Ianto broke it.

"If you weren't busy this weekend, I was wondering," he started, stuttering a bit when Jack gave him his undivided attention. "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me?"

Jack tilted his head with a smile. "We eat dinner together most nights."

"True," said Ianto, trying not to feel nervous. "But I was thinking something nicer, like maybe Café30?"

Jack leaned forward, his eyebrows raised. Café30 was Cardiff's premier hotspot at the moment, booked six months out. It was throwback to the twenties, thirties and forties, with a big band playing the upper level, a quiet and expensive dining room, and a retro-style speakeasy in the basement. Ianto had never been, but suspected it was something that a man like Jack would love, having lived through it all. In fact, Ianto was curious to see how authentic it was compared to Jack's experience with Glen Miller, the Charleston, and sidecars.

Jack was grinning like a kid at Christmas. "That place is impossible to get into, you know," he said. "You shouldn't get my hopes up."

"I have reservations for tomorrow, if you're interested," said Ianto, trying to stay casual. "You'd have to wear a suit, of course." He paused. "You probably still have one from the era, so no issue there."

Jack growled at him, but laughed, and Ianto smiled. "Is that a yes?" he asked. "Because I couldn't quite understand."

"It's a yes," Jack replied. "But why? Café30 is…well, it's…"

"A big deal for us?" Ianto offered. Yes, they'd gone out to dinner many times, including a more upscale restaurant or two. They'd gone to a few films and played pool once or twice, even seen a play, although that was more Torchwood business than a date. Yet most of their time together was spent at work, or at Ianto's flat with take away and _Top Gear_ reruns.

"I was going to say expensive and amazing," Jack replied. "But that too, I suppose." He cocked his head. "The question still stands. Or is this my little surprise?"

"Not really, because I get to go too," Ianto replied. "But this is for you, now that you ask."

He handed over the small box he'd hidden in his bedroom weeks ago and tucked into his pocket. Jack opened it and stared at it, a slow smile coming over his face that both thrilled and terrified Ianto.

"I can't believe you found them," Jack murmured, pulling out a pair of silver Spitfire cufflinks.

"I noticed you lost yours," Ianto said. "You were wearing them when you left, and I know, er, things happened, and I know they were special to you, so I found these one day and was planning on giving them to you for your birthday or something similar, only I don't have any idea when your real birthday is, and—"

Jack stopped him by coming around his desk, pulling Ianto up, and kissing him hard. "Stop babbling. They're perfect, thank you. Much better than pink shirts and porn."

"You lucked out," Ianto murmured with an uneasy laugh. Jack wrapped his arms around him, though Ianto wanted nothing more to make a quick exit for some reason. They weren't the type to exchange gifts, and Ianto wasn't sure he was ready for anything it might imply. "I thought you could wear them tomorrow."

"Of course I will," Jack said. "But again…why so much?"

"I thought you'd like it," he started, glancing over Jack's shoulder so he didn't have to meet Jack's eyes. "The restaurant, the cufflinks. It seems your style. And I wanted to…well…shit…" He stepped back and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Are you all right?" Jack asked, sounding more concerned than amused. "Is your head bothering you?"

"No, it's not that," said Ianto. "I'm fine, just bloody terrified, is all."

Jack looked thoroughly confused. "Of what?"

"I care about you too," Ianto blurted out. "I'm glad you came back, and that we've had this time together. I didn't know what to think when you asked me out a date, but it's been good. Great, really. I guess I wanted to show you how much, do something that I hope you'll remember one day, a hundred years from now. More than sitting around eating take away or catching Weevils, anyway."

Jack was frozen, staring as if he'd never seen Ianto before. After a long moment of silence, Ianto nodded and blundered on. "And if that's ruined everything and made you wildly uncomfortable, I put Retcon in your coffee so you won't remember."

That roused the other man. "What?" Jack exclaimed, stepping back and glancing at his mug. "You didn't…did you?"

Ianto sighed. "Of course not, but you were staring at me like I grew another head."

The sound that came from Jack's mouth could only be described as a nervy squeak trying to sound like a laugh. "No, I've seen that happen before, and that was actually far less surprising."

Ianto opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying not to imagine the sight. "Right. Well, I apologize if I said too much, I know how awkward—"

"Don't apologize," Jack interrupted. "I'm just…it was…yeah." Jack tucked his hands into his pockets, looking flustered. "Is this about last night? Do you remember what I said?"

Ianto shook his head and held out the paper where he'd apparently, somehow, managed to jot down many of the things he'd seen, done, and heard the previous day. From Tosh's embarrassed confession to Gwen's upfront questions, Owen's unapologetic acknowledgements to Jack's most secret thoughts and feelings, Ianto had written it all down, as well as a few things that he suspected would never make sense. Jack laughed anxiously as he read the list, before handing it back to Ianto with a shaky sigh.

"First of all, I can't believe they said all that to you," Jack started, and Ianto shrugged. Honestly, he could only imagine his reaction at the time, and though he was still embarrassed, he couldn't help but be amused now as well.

"And second of all, I should be the one to apologize. Not for saying all those things I said last night," he continued, "but for saying it when I knew you wouldn't remember. Only you'd been injured and I was honestly really worried about you, and between you being injured and then you not remembering things, it made me realize that I needed to—"

This time Ianto stopped him with a kiss, and a long one to boot. He didn't care if the others were watching; he mostly wanted Jack to stop talking. It was hard, trying to get through words and sentences about things they hardly acknowledged to themselves, let alone to one another. Ianto hoped they didn't have to talk about it for at least six months now that so much was out in the open.

A soft thump hit the glass window, and they stepped apart to see Owen and Gwen tossing paper airplanes at the window. Jack grinned, Ianto rolled his eyes, and then they were, mercifully, back to normal. Jack flipped the team a rude hand sign and went back to his desk to finish his donut. Ianto grabbed his scone and contemplated returning to the Hub, only to see Owen, arms wrapped around his waist and shoulder, pretending to kiss someone. It definitely wasn't safe out there.

He glanced at the hole in the floor that led to Jack's bunker. Jack raised an eyebrow; Ianto shook his head, however reluctantly; Jack pouted.

"What time tomorrow?" Jack asked.

"Half seven," Ianto replied. "Assuming everything is quiet around here."

"Rift predictor looks good," said Jack. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So am I."

Silence once more.

"What about tonight?" asked Jack, sounding hesitant. "Maybe instead of going out we could cook?"

"At mine?" Ianto asked, and Jack nodded. "Sounds good. Not sure we've ever done that before."

"There's a first time for everything," Jack offered with a surprisingly lack of flippancy. Ianto hummed in agreement. "Maybe we could watch a movie after?"

Ianto stood, immediately sensing where the conversation was going because Jack was complete crap at hiding his glee at the punchline when telling a joke. "As long as it's not _Finding Nemo_ ," he said. Jack shook his head.

"I was thinking of _Memento_ ," he said, then grinned. "Or maybe _Total Recall."_

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I should take Tosh with me tomorrow."

"No!" Jack exclaimed. "You already asked me!"

"There's no rule that says I have to go with you if you're going to take the mickey out of me," Ianto replied. Jack crooked his index finger at Ianto, who moved close enough for Jack to grab him around the waist.

"Then I'll stop, because I'm really looking forward to our date," he said. "Thank you for asking."

Ianto nodded with a smile. "You're welcome. I hope it lives up to the hype."

"Doesn't matter," Jack said. "I'll be with the most gorgeous, amazing Welshman I've ever met. Everyone there will be envious, and it'll be a night to remember no matter what happens." They kissed, and it felt different, somehow. Slow and gentle, but passionate, filled with both joy and sadness and the deep feelings they had for one another. Jack meant what he said, though Ianto still questioned their unconventional relationship. Maybe he needed to accept it for what it was, moment to moment, rather than worry about the future—especially Jack's future—quite so much.

"I'm going to go now," Ianto murmured, stepping away. "See if I can't recover some of my dignity out there."

"And I'm going to come up with something to cook tonight," said Jack. "As long as it's quiet, we can be out of here by six."

"Sounds good. I'll see you in a while for a refill," replied Ianto. He finally turned and left the office. The others had stopping staring at the window and were working at their stations, though Ianto was fairly sure Gwen was reading her new book while pretending to work at the computer.

"Thanks for the Hob Nobs, teaboy," Owen called from where he was flipping through files.

"And the tea," said Tosh. "Ianto, I'm sorry about yesterday—"

He held up his hand. "No worries, Tosh." He'd have to be more careful with Jack and the CCTV coverage, though.

"Ianto? Did you bookmark page twenty-five?" asked Gwen, glancing up with wide eyes. "Is that even possible?"

"You bet it is!" called Jack, striding out from his office. "And damn good, too." Gwen stared at him.

"Especially variation three," offered Ianto. He exchanged a grin with Jack, who nodded enthusiastically.

"God, lesson learned," Owen groaned. "Just stop already."

"Promise you'll remember next time?" Jack asked.

"Next time what?"

"Next time you try to take advantage of an injured colleague?" Ianto suggested.

Owen rolled his eyes, Tosh looked guilty again, and Gwen glanced between Jack, Ianto, and her book with a thoughtful look.

"I'll remember," Owen grumbled.

"Me too," said Tosh, still sounding apologetic.

Everyone looked at Gwen, who was still engrossed with the book. "What?" she asked. "Oh yes, me too. I'm sorry, Ianto. But thanks for this, it's brilliant!"

Ianto rolled his eyes but smiled. The others went back to their work. "I remember how brilliant it was," Jack murmured behind him. Two arms snuck around his waist as Jack laid his head on Ianto's shoulder. "And I will _always_ remember you, Ianto Jones."

Ianto would remember that day as the day things started to change between them. Maybe they weren't a couple, engaged to live happily ever after like Gwen and Rhys, but they were something. They had admitted it. Now it was time to move on and make new memories, together.

  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Torchwood!  
> I'm not an expert in anterograde amnesia, so if something's a bit off about Ianto's condition, blame alien tech! I hope you enjoyed this story - thank you for reading!


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